Yet, I still didn’t speak of it when I got back, until I was standing in my kitchen on the phone with Dina and I blurted it out. I am NOT doing Ironman next year. It was fast like ripping off the band-aid. I waited for the judgement. Judgement that Dina never gives me and would not in this instance.
Here is the conversation and there is some paraphrasing to get to the main points.
Me: God said so, and I don’t understand it really.
Dina: Are you sure it’s not fear or money?
Me: I knew going in, it would not be cheap. I knew going in it would be a sacrifice for me and my family. I just feel like I am supposed to spend the money and time elsewhere.
Dina: Does Aaron know yet? What are you NOT telling me?
Me (and why I am hesitant to put out this blog): Aaron does not know and I think he will be upset. I am scared. I don’t know if I want to tell you what else I am NOT telling you because it is stupid and sounds like I think too highly of myself.
Dina: It probably really is God, it can’t be that bad.
Me: He said, that is this my year, then I am to stop the extreme races.
Me: Well, it gets better. Then he said, you can’t fulfil my purpose of Combat Boot Divas if you are out chasing the next big race. I need to sit back and be ok with small races for a while because my chase of the next big thing is intimidating people.
My phone is about to die, so we hang up. I go upstairs and I blurt out to Aaron, I don’t think I am going to do Ironman next year. He said “Ok, but Why? This is your dream.” Then I spoke words that shocked me, “I really want to be an Ironman, and I don’t think this is the time. I want to focus on Combat Boot Divas and Battle Flag Ranch. Since I am still working, something has to give, either Ironman or our family, and right now, I don’t feel like our family should sacrifice a year of our life for a dream that I can do later. Later, when the timing is better.” He looked me almost relieved and said, “You know I support your dreams, but I think this is a good decision. Just let me know when you start thinking the time is right again.”
Of course, I called Dina. It must be in God’s plan. I will tell you I am mixed in emotions right now. I am excited, because obedience usually means great things for Combat Boot Divas and our ministry. I am sad, because I really wanted to complete an Ironman next year. I am a little worried about how you guys will react, but ultimately, I am ok. I know that this is the right decision and I am satisfied in making it.
One Day, I will be an Ironman, but for now, I wait for God to tell me when!
***I have held off posting this for a while now. God revealed a lot more during Mountain Man, and that blog is coming. I had to get to acceptance of this to understand what he would tell me this weekend.