I have trained and I will continue to train, but God revealed something to me during Mountain Man that left me speechless. It was really a good thing I was alone for a while. I was behind Amy and Dina, only by a couple of minutes. Every time we would check in, I was literally only 5-10 minutes behind. I could have pushed it and easily caught up. The pivotal moment would come as Dina sends me a picture “TRUST JESUS”. I get her text at the exact time, I see the sign. This is the exact same moment that God starts to speak.
You are OUT OF MY WILL and MY PLAN!!! WHOA! Has God ever spoken those words to you? Those words HURT! They STING! For the next 2-3 miles, I felt like a child who was being disciplined for not listening. I am sure you are asking what this is about.
It is about Ironman 70.3-Chattanooga. Apparently, when I signed up, I did not PRAY first. I did talk to Aaron, and the money was available, so I ASSUMED it was God saying Yes! He was not saying Yes, and I didn’t know because I didn’t ask. In the past, I used to do this all the time, and I had become very aware of how to make prayerful decisions. It was gut-wrenching to realize that I NEVER consulted God on this next big step. The IRONMAN journey was ALL me, and was not at this time, God’s path.
I am sad about being out of God’s will. I also believe he is now giving me my answer to what BEING means! I learned several lessons in all of this. The first one was hard, because I never understood how people could go against God and chose Satan’s lies. I always assumed that God’s plan would be easily known from Satan’s deception. I always assumed that it would be clear, even IF I forgot to ask. What I didn’t know, was Satan can make things seem so easy that you are sure you are following God’s will AND he will lead you off the correct, righteous path. When you are tired or when you have a dream, Satan can deceive you into believing that this is God’s will when it actually isn’t. With Ironman, I had let Satan win without EVER knowing it, because I was so excited to be getting what I wanted. Let that sink in for a while! Satan won because he was giving me what I wanted!
The second lesson may be even harder to learn. This lesson is the one the whole year revolves around – BEING! He told me I am NOT AMY! Do you know what I love about Amy? She doesn’t expect me to be Amy. Do you know what else I love about Amy? She tells me I must follow God, not her! I never realized I was trying to be her, so these words stung too! In my 40-years of life, I am have always found a role-model and strived to be like her. While, it is ok to have role-models and even learn from what they do, it is never ok to try to become THEM. My friendship with Amy set me on a beautiful journey. The travels that I take with her and Dina are nothing short of amazing. The time I spend with these ladies is always a growing period for me, learning to accept me! Does this mean I am going to stop doing events with Amy or Dina? Absolutely NOT. It just means, God wants to become WHO HE INTENDED me to be. He longer wants me to mimic my role-models or my friends. I am supposed to just BE ME!!
He has instructed me to show up to Chattanooga. He has instructed me to continue to train. ON that day, I may or may not finish. Before the event gets here, he could pull me out completely. I can’t tell you because God is correcting a path that I choose for myself and he is teaching me a lesson. Finish or not, I can assure you the lesson will be a great one. In the end, I will become the person God intends for me to be rather than chasing the next big thing or following after God’s plan for someone else.
While this leaves the next 5-6 weeks in the air, what I know without a shadow of doubt is my support system is still there for me. The one thing that God made very clear was these two ladies are a very important part of my journey!