As I drove home from work, Friday, I listened to Some Gave All by Billy Cyrus over and over. The words of the chorus haunted me. You see, I have always listened to the words and only attributed it to the fallen.
All gave some and some gave all
And some stood through for the Red, white and blue
And some had to fall
And if you ever think of me
Think of all your liberties and recall
Some gave all
The truth is ALL GAVE SOME and those men and women are coming home with PTSD. Their families and lives are forever changed. Some of the all who gave some end up not being able to handle life and they end it. They become one of the fallen. They become part of the 22 A DAY statistic. We are walking around free and they are living a war that is inside them because not all wounds are visible. We are losing these people who are sons and daughters, husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, and friends. They are leaving families behind when the battle is too much for them to handle. MY heart is broken over this.
I started running in boots to bring awareness to PTSD and to make a difference with my pain. It morphed into so much more and now we also honor the fallen. This is not something I take lightly and it is also important to my family. We have done a lot of healing through my boots. Aaron joins me in many of my adventures. Yet, the deaths are usually removed from us personally. To us that has never mattered because ALL veteran lives matter to us.
In the past five years, my “inner circle” has changed drastically TWICE. These relationships are still intact but who I am closest to has rotated. Yes, things happened but mostly it’s because you have to be around people who get you. Neither of these first two circles got me. They loved me and they tried to support us, but they did not understand military life and they especially didn’t understand PTSD.
I have been told on occasions I share too much information. The truth is that I really don’t share as much as people think. I usually don’t share during the incidents and after I am vague. You will notice I don’t blog about DJ that much. He is a teenager and he has asked me not to share much. I have respected that and he respects the little I do write. Suzie and Georgia are getting there. Sometimes there are things they ask me to keep quiet, I DO. Aaron is much different because he lets me write openly. However, Aaron has full veto power over every blog I write that concerns him. If I share too much, he has the right to ask me to NOT post it. For the record, he has never done it but he knows he can and I think it gives him comfort in my sharing.
Being in ministry and being a transparent person means I share more than the average person. It doesn’t mean that I trust everyone. You would be surprised how little trust I have. You would be surprised at some of the happenings that I have never shared with the public. If you can’t learn from my pain OR my sharing will cause pain for someone, I don’t share. However, I do have to have an outlet; I need people who will listen and hold my hand. I need people who give me hard truth when I need it and quiet when I need that. There are only a handful of people who meet the criteria. There are only a handful of people who know deepest darkest problems. These are people that I trust with my life and, based on what I know about them, they feel the same.
So when one of those people call you with this news, it shakes your core much differently than when it is a “stranger.” I have lost sleep over the details. I have cried. I have been concerned about how hard this ministry is. I have wondered if we are making a difference. I have expressed this to my inner circle and they have given me some hard truths. This won’t be easy. We didn’t do this because it was easy but we were called to help as many people as possible. Sometimes we won’t be successful. Aaron asked me to not stop what I have started because helping is the right thing to do.
My response to this is to not quit. Instead, when I leave for Bataan, I will be walking for this solider. His struggle will not be forgotten.
SOME GAVE ALL; ALL GAVE SOME!